
In my last article, I shared practical steps to start strengthening your CORE 4 capacities—Connection, Definition, Integration, and Collaboration. These are more than just skills; they’re foundational character qualities that shape us as leaders. As I’ve worked on each of these capacities, I’ve seen how small, intentional changes can profoundly impact both my personal and professional growth.
Today, I’d like to share a few stories and lessons from my journey. I hope that they’ll resonate with you, inspiring you to deepen your commitment to growth.
Connection: Building Genuine Relationships in Leadership
For a long time, I thought leadership meant staying strong and “staying above” the rest of the team. But I realized that a lack of connection creates isolation—not just for the team but also for the leader. Several years ago, I created a “Life Team”—trusted people who are on a similar growth journey.
One pivotal moment came when I shared a tough challenge with my Life Team that I had been handling solo. I opened up about my doubts and fears, which felt risky, but it was transformative. Not only did I receive support, but I also felt a profound relief, knowing I didn’t have to carry everything alone. I experienced the value of relational connections.
This shift helped me to connect more deeply with my team, allowing them to be part of the journey rather than just watching from the sidelines.
Lesson: When you let others in, you model vulnerability-based trust. This shows your team how to do the same, building the types of connections that build trust and resiliency.
Definition: The Power of Saying “No” and Protecting Your Boundaries
As a leader, it can feel natural to say “yes” to everything—every opportunity, every request. This was me–until I found myself stretched too thin. My well-being and effectiveness were compromised. Learning to define my boundaries and be clear about my limits was a game-changer.
One of the hardest boundaries I set was around my availability. I started blocking off “non-negotiable” time for deep work and self-care, letting my team know these were my boundaries. It wasn’t easy, but I saw immediate benefits: more focus, reduced stress, and a team that respected my time—and learned to respect their own.
Lesson: When you set boundaries, you model the importance of self-care and clarity, allowing others to do the same.
Integration: Embracing All Parts of Leadership
For years, I let my critical eye drive my communication and leadership. I was determined to resolve issues for my team, but this approach overwhelmed my team. My urgency created a reciprocal conflict avoidance, and our team fractured quickly. By embracing integration and learning how to handle the negative aspects of my role, I found new strength.
A turning point came when our team was facing multiple issues and felt stuck. Instead of jumping in to fix each one, I invited expressions of grief and failure into the conversation. This slower approach created safety for the team to process their emotional responses before being expected to push ahead.
Lesson: Giving your team space to process at their own speed will increase their capacity to move forward. This allows you and your team to confront challenges openly and grow together.
Collaboration: Finding Balance Between Taking Charge and Stepping Back
As a leader, I often found myself in a “ONE-UP” posture—taking charge, directing, and making most of the decisions. But this created dependency and resentment. Learning to step back and encourage mutual collaboration has been both humbling and rewarding.
Recently, in a project planning meeting, I consciously refrained from being the first to speak or direct the conversation. Instead, I encouraged others to take the lead. In fact, I ended up delegating each of the solutions to team members instead of taking responsibility myself!
To my surprise, my team came up with innovative ideas I wouldn’t have thought of, and they felt empowered to contribute more freely.
Lesson: Collaboration thrives when each team member feels valued. Giving up control fosters a more dynamic, engaged, and creative environment.
Next Steps: Reflecting on Your Core Strength Journey
Strengthening core capacities is a journey of ongoing growth, and it’s one I’m still on myself. The key is to start small and be consistent. Choose one area to focus on this week—whether it’s connecting more deeply, setting clear boundaries, facing uncomfortable realities, or fostering true collaboration.
In the next edition, I’ll share practical ways to make these core capacities a lasting habit in your daily routine, so you can sustain your growth and continue leading with confidence and resilience.
Until then, reflect on these questions:
What resonated with you from these stories?
Which small action can you take this week to move toward core strength?