Relationships are the real engine of leadership.

What Changed My View of Leadership Forever:

The 22 Relational Nutrients Every Leader Needs

By Julia LeFevre

When I joined the inaugural class of Organizational Leadership at the Townsend Institute, I thought I knew what made a strong leader—vision, resilience, strategy, and execution.

What I didn’t expect was to learn that relationships are the real engine of leadership.

Under the mentorship of Dr. John Townsend himself, I discovered something that changed the way I lead, coach, and live: leaders are only as strong as the relational nutrients they receive.

Let me explain.

Just as the body needs vitamins, the heart and mind need nutrients to grow and stay healthy—especially under pressure. And leaders often try to live without them.

We get used to giving without receiving. Listening without being heard. Supporting others while running on empty.

Dr. Townsend identifies 22 relational nutrients that all humans—and especially leaders—need to thrive.

They fall into four categories:

Quadrant 1: Be Present

These nutrients help you feel seen, soothed, and safe.

• Acceptance – Connect without judgment.

• Attunement – Respond to what someone is feeling.

• Validation – Affirm that what they feel matters.

• Identification – Say, “Me too.”

• Containment – Stay calm while someone vents.

• Comfort – Offer care in pain or grief.

Quadrant 2: Provide Insight

These nutrients bring clarity to confusion.

• Clarification – Help make sense of the mess.

• Perspective – Offer a new angle.

• Insight – Reveal what might be hidden.

• Feedback – Provide thoughtful, personal input.

• Confrontation – Appeal to change, truthfully and kindly.

Quadrant 3: Convey the Good

These build identity and courage.

• Affirmation – Name their strengths.

• Encouragement – Believe in their ability to grow.

• Respect – Show honor and dignity.

• Hope – Anchor them in what’s possible.

• Forgiveness – Let go of what’s been held.

• Celebration – Mark the win, emotionally and visibly.

Quadrant 4: Call to Action

These catalyze growth and movement.

• Advice – Recommend an action step.

• Structure – Offer a framework to move forward.

• Challenge – Nudge toward a harder, but better, path.

• Development – Create an environment for growth.

• Service – Offer practical help.

Why This Shifted Everything for Me

Before this experience, I thought leadership meant showing up strong, no matter what. But I’ve come to believe that being fueled relationally is not a luxury. It’s a necessity.

When leaders learn to receive these nutrients regularly, everything changes:

• Their thinking sharpens.

• Their relationships deepen.

• Their capacity expands.

• And their team culture transforms.

You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through leadership. You weren’t meant to lead alone.

Try This:
From what quadrant do you most often give?
From what quadrant do you tend to neglect to receive?

Choose one nutrient you need most right now.

Then reach out to someone safe—and receive it.

Your leadership depends on it.
And you deserve to be fueled, too.