Nov 19: The Three Needs That Shape Every Leader

Every leader carries three deep needs that quietly influence everything.

The Three Needs That Shape Every Leader

By Julia LeFevre

There is a point in leadership when knowledge is no longer the issue.
The real work lives inside the patterns that shape how we think, feel, and respond.

My conversation with Robert Feeney on this week's episode of Wired to Lead brought this into sharp focus. Every leader carries three deep needs that quietly influence everything.

Let’s name them and explore what they reveal.

Autonomy from the Past

We all want to feel free from the stories that shaped us.

Early patterns can still influence how we lead.
They can show up as over functioning, withdrawing, or trying to control outcomes.

This reflects our capacity for Definition.
As this grows, we separate who we are now from who we had to be then.
Choice becomes possible again.

Belonging in the Present

Every brain asks two questions.
Do I matter.
Do I belong.

When belonging feels uncertain, the midbrain takes over.
Curiosity fades.
Creativity fades.
Connection becomes difficult.

This is the capacity for Connection.
As it strengthens, leaders stay grounded in moments that once felt overwhelming.
They become safe people to themselves and to their teams.

Power to Shape the Future

Robert described this as authorship.
It is the steady belief that I can participate in what comes next.

When this belief is weakened, confidence fades and vision narrows.

This is the capacity for Integration.
It helps leaders hold both struggle and possibility without shutting down.
It keeps the thinking brain online.

These three needs never fully disappear. They simply reveal where growth is inviting us forward.

And capacity can always grow through new experiences, safe relationship, and through practice inside the heat of the moment.

A Next Step for Leaders

Consider these questions as you move into the week.

• Where does your past still shape how you lead today.

• Where is belonging fragile for you or your team.

• What is one small action that would help you reclaim authorship.

Listen to the Full Conversation

If this resonated with you, you can listen to my full conversation with Robert Feeney on the Wired to Lead podcast.

It is a thoughtful and honest look at what drives real change and how leaders can grow from the inside out.

Let’s keep leading with clarity, courage, and definition.
Julia